Outgrowing a Forever Friend? Here’s What You Need to Hear

Today I had lunch with two girlfriends. We wrangled the kids, ordered our salads, and tried to sneak in a few actual conversations between snack requests and spilled water. You know, the usual mom-lunch chaos, but it was so fun and so needed.

What I didn’t expect was how healing the conversation would be.

Lately, I’ve been carrying around a quiet heaviness. A friendship of mine ended last year, and not just any friendship. This was someone I had known for a very long time. We were close, but it got to the point where nearly every conversation turned into a disagreement. We couldn’t even talk without tension. It became toxic, and eventually, we had to walk away.

Even though it was the right thing, I’ve still struggled with guilt and self-doubt. I kept wondering if it meant I was a bad friend, or worse, a bad person.

So, there I was at lunch, and one of my friends was scrolling through the other friend’s Instagram. She paused and casually said, “Oh, don’t like her post. We had a bit of a falling out last year.”
I looked at her, completely surprised. This is someone who is the epitome of a girl’s girl, kind, motivating, genuine, and supportive. It was shocking to hear that she had been through something similar.

Then the other friend chimed in, “Oh yeah, I had to unfriend someone last year too.”

Wait… what?

At that moment, something opened for me. I realized I wasn’t the only one. And more importantly, I wasn’t a terrible human for going through it.

Here’s the truth. Just because a friendship ends doesn’t mean someone did something awful. Sometimes people grow in different directions. Sometimes the connection that once gave you life now drains you. And sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself and for them is to walk away.

It doesn’t mean you didn’t care. It doesn’t mean the memories weren’t real. And it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

Losing a long-term friend can feel like grieving the future you imagined together. You thought they’d be in your life forever. Then one day, “forever” just... isn’t.

It’s disorienting. Painful. And honestly, really confusing.

If you’re going through something similar, please know this: you are not alone, and it doesn’t define your worth.

Talking to a therapist helped me work through so much of this. If you’re feeling stuck, I highly recommend it. There’s something powerful about saying it out loud and having someone help you untangle the knots.

Friendship breakups don’t get enough airtime. But I think we should talk about them more. Because sometimes the goodbye isn’t bitter, it’s just necessary.

And maybe, just maybe, that creates space for the kind of friendships that feel light, mutual, and rooted in who you are today, not just who you were back then.

Xo,

Danielle Victoriah